1. John Mayer (@johncmayer)
Multiple choice question:
The renaissance man’s poster boy makes it to the number one twitter spot due to:
A. his music
B. his well publicized romantic relationships with desperate celebrities clinging onto the dying hope that being seen in the public eye with a nerdy collegiate-type smart-ass is bound to increase their popularity rankings
C. his complete brown-nosing of media outlets, with his editing filter clearly turned way down
D. His winning smile due to lots of work from Las Vegas orthodontics professionals. Specializing in invisalign braces, retainers and oral hygiene, they have given John a brilliant healthy smile via state-of-the-art technology and the most advanced procedures available.
If you’ve answered C, you would be correct. Contrary to what some non-discerning types may think, the world’s most sensitive man didn’t make it to the Twitter top because of his emotive musicality. Nope, he’s so popular because of his wildly outrageous media-related antics and his ability to say the first thing that comes into his pea-sized brain regardless of the fallout, such as in his recent Playboy interview where he likened having sex with Jessica Simpson as sexual napalm and crack. In the same interview, Mr. Foot In Mouth derides Jennifer Aniston for her complete lack of technological know-how and offhandedly remarks about her heretofore hushed spokesperson-like tweets about her recently attained bragging rights obtained when she discovered she could raise money using this strategy: sell an annuity. Of course, you have to have an annuity to do that, but she still feels the need to brag about it. And in the same breath complaining about how much room she takes up on the plane!
How passively cruel. Not that he paints Anniston as a technological moron, but that he doesn’t give her any sexual prowess props. Who says, Mr. John Mayer? Only you do, apparently…
In any case, John cried his apology (with real crocodile tears!) a couple of days later so I guess kissing and telling didn’t hurt his “career” too much.
By the way, doesn’t this guy date any one not named Jennifer? Word from the wise – Ms. Garner, I’d watch my back if I were you.
2. Ashley Tisdale (@ashleytisdale)
Ms. Tisdale, of High School Musical fame, takes the Twitter number two spot, proving once and for all that 11 to 13 year old, prepubescent tweens make up a huge portion of the Twitter following population.
3. Cold Play (@coldplay)
Cold Play, in taking up the number three spot, proves without a doubt that there’s still room in this crazy world for meditative, romantic, and syrup-thick emotive warbling, with tings of feminist lyrical stylings. Not saying that Coldplay is a bit fey, simply saying their British.
4. Sean “Diddy” Combs (@IAmDiddy)
Clearly, resting on his laurels is not in Sean Comb’s lexicon. First, he dominated the music scene, then the reality television scene, to be followed by a stint as a vodka frontman, men’s fashion designer, and now Twitter-meister. What’s next? The U.S presidency?
5. Pete Wentz (@petewentz)
How did the Fall Out Boy’s bassist get to be on this list? Easy – he posts a tweet virtually every nanosecond, completely blanketing the technological world with his inane postings. Isn’t his music – offically described as pop-punk, a two-word hybrid which should technically cancel itself out – enough? Did you ever check out is website? The web design is interesting for someone of his fame.